Megan Mclean's Story
Updated: Jun 6, 2019
My journey through mental health began in 2010, aged 16, the pressure of my childhood events put a great strain on my relationship with my mother and I found myself homeless. I plummeted into deep depression and the thought of taking my own life was the daily norm.
Taken in by friends, I sofa surfed until I managed to secure a flat of my own, things didn't ease though. The pressure of being so alone and relying on my boyfriend at the time was too much for him and our relationship broke down. Leading me to feel more alone than ever and at the brink of suicide and feeling trapped in my own mind, I considered every way possible to end my life.
I chose to take an overdose on a river bank where I found most comfort watching the different water currents pass one another, thankfully I was found and fortunately the overdose didn't cause me damage. I was in such a dark place that I feel like my mind had subconsciously closed down those memories, because a lot of it now seems like such a blur.
I don't know how or why but something changed. I knew I had to take control and fight back. I was driven to prove people wrong, everyone that turned their back on me when I was most vulnerable, I wanted to show them I didn't need them and I swore I would never allow myself to need anyone ever again.
Three years later I found myself in a happy place, as I looked around my home I felt a warmth of contentment. I worked for everything I had and it was the best feeling in the world to say I did it on my own from being homeless with just a bag of clothes to now having my own home that no one could take away from me.
Eventually I met a man that in time I had 2 beautiful children with, a beautiful home and I gave my everything for 6 long years. Unfortunately this wasn't an ideal relationship and I found myself at the hands of his abuse a broken woman again.
The depression took hold again in early 2018, with a toddler and a newborn solely relying on me I just couldn't go on. I had little to no help with the children and when I spoke about how I felt I was told to 'get a grip' ' be a mother' 'don't be so pathetic' I felt I couldn't go on, the abuse was too much but I knew I couldn't leave my babies.
I spoke to my Doctor on numerous occasions and after deciding that medication wasn't for me, I was I finally referred for counselling. I found this was imperative to my situation and it really helped. It helped me just being able to speak a to someone, to share my thoughts and feelings and most importantly to understand that it wasn't my fault, I wasn't crazy and it's okay to not be okay.
I had the number for the crisis team and with the support from DVAP, with two children in tow I had no choice but to uproot and flee my family home to escape.
Still to this day I don't know how I managed it but it was the best decision I've ever made for both myself and my children; but if it wasn't for the help of mental health charities, the councillors, the crisis teams then I dare say my story may of had an end.
I use my experience to help others in every way I possibly can to try ensure no one ever feels the way I have. I wouldn't wish it on anybody, thankfully it is what drives me to be a better person by helping others, by seeing the beautiful things even in a stormy day, by appreciating everything I have and more importantly believing in myself and being proud of how far I have come because Once upon a time I saw no way out.