In 2017 I gave birth to my beautiful little girl and she opened a door leading me into a whole new world. Little did I know my world was about to start crashing down right in front of me. My little girl and I became victims of domestic and physical abuse. As days went by and things became worse, I felt isolated from my friends, my family, and the people I care about. I had no-one to turn to or nobody to talk to about what was going on behind closed doors, I was ALONE. As months of abuse and body shaming went on I became a stranger to myself. I got diagnosed with severe depression and anxiety along with an eating disorder.
A few months went by and I finally managed to pluck up the courage to get rid of the abuser. I then began to start working on myself and my daughter. It was a struggle because I was in such a dark place, almost as if I was at the bottom of a very deep well with no light at the top and all I wanted to do was end my life because I didn't feel worthy.
After months of medication and therapy, I had an action plan. I took a massive gamble and entered the biggest competition I know.. You got it... I entered the UK CALENDAR GIRLS. This competition helps raise money for mental health.
I was very nervous and absolutely terrified, to say the least, because after being abused and body shamed, who in their right mind would want to see me in a calendar?
I went ahead and attended the casting day and all I can say is I felt so at ease and like I fitted in. I didn't get into the calendar but that's okay because I came away with so much more than what I thought.
I have gained my confidence back, I feel a warrior for my struggles, I feel beautiful, accepted and most of all I feel worthy of life. It's fair to say that doing this competition saved my life and I will forever be grateful. It has been a long and hard battle with depression and suicidal thoughts but it has been worth every struggle.
I still have bad days and I'm still working on my eating disorder but I get stronger day by day. For anybody that struggles please don't give up. I won't lie and say it's easy because it's not but it's worth it.
YOU MATTER, YOU ARE WORTHY AND YOU BELONG HERE.